Subject: One and Two Liners (2 of 2) Let's face it -- the guy who said all men are created equal never went to a nudist colony. + + + An optimist thinks the woman he is about to marry is better than the one he just divorced. + + + A pessimist looks both ways before crossing a one-way street. + + + Nobody ever knows a poet is alive until he is dead. + + + He is so rich, he is ahead in his alimony payments. + + + A ski jump is a leap made by a person on the way to the hospital. + + + Teen-age is the period in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn't have to study. + + + ------------------------------ Subject: Mary Tells All - Clean Mother Teresa dies and, to the surprise of no one, goes to heaven. There she hits it off famously with Mary. Mother Teresa has been very devoted to Mary, and it turns out that Mary greatly admires Mother Teresa. After many long walks and wonderful conversations, Mother Teresa gets up the courage to inquire, "May I ask you a question?" Mary says, "Well, certainly." So Mother Teresa says, "I noticed that many times on earth you were pictured with a teardrop running halfway down your face. If it's not too personal, could you tell me what that means?" Well, Mary has to think about this, but then she decides that after all, she and Mother Teresa have grown so close, perhaps she can tell her. So Mary says, "I really always wanted to have a girl." ------------------------------ Subject: Good things about poking your eye out w/a staple Good things about poking your eye out with a staple 1) Sympathy in form of gifts from friends and relatives 2) No longer need to be optimistic about life 3) Frighten and amaze small children who think you're a pirate 4) Easier to keep papers together, just tack them to your eye 5) Screaming = stress reduction 6) If there's an option to get a transplant, try to get a fish or bird eye 7) Cooler than peircing you nose 8) Workman's comp, here I come! 9) Plenty in common with that Vietnam Veteran across the bar 10) Move to head of the line for Handicapped Vehicle Plates! ------------------------------ <<<<< 0 0 *--------------------oooo0----?----0oooo--------------------* ! .-------------. ! ! / \ ! ! / .-----. \ ! ! I am the Great Cornholio!! |/ --`-`-\ \ ! ! | \ | ! ! I need TP for my bunghole!! | _-- \ | ! ! _| =-. | | ! ! Come out with your pants down! o|/o/ | | ! ! / ~ | | ! ! ARE YOU THREATENING ME?? (____@) ___ | | ! ! _===~~~.`| | ! ! Oh. heh-heh. Sorry about that. _______.--~ | | ! ! \________ | | ! ! heh-heh. This is cool. heh-heh | \ | | ! ! \_/__/ | ! ! / __\ ! ! -| Metallica|| | ! ! || || | ! ! || || | ! ! / | / / ! *-----------------------------------------------------------*