Subject: honk if you love Jesus The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!" Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or "Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must really love the lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign, as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STUDY BREAK!!!!!!! *NB This list works best if you study in a co-ed group. It is designed as a guide for the overnight study group for use in stress-breaker activities. 10am Find an issue of National Geographic and a Victoria's Secret or Fredrick's of Hollywood catalogue. Cut out the underwear in the catalogue and paste or tape them on the natives in the National Geographic. 11am Pretend to take a walk on the beach--walk barefoot across a cold tile floor in the bathroom. If possible, use a spraybottle to simulate ocean spray in your face. 12 noon Fingerpaint--take your masterpiece to a local gallery and try to sell it. 1pm Stack all your books in order of size, smallest on the bottom. See how many you can stack before the tower topples. 2pm Write a porno script involving Snow White and the Seven Dwarves as the main characters. 3pm Tear up your notes into tiny pieces and run through the hallways of your dorm screaming, "IT'S SNOWING!!!" 4pm Balance pencils on as many body parts as possible. In the nostrils counts. Involve your friends--give points for ingenious locations, audacity, and sheer volume. 5pm Hold a singalong. 6pm Try to translate your books into another language. If it is already in a foreign language, or if you don't know another language, try pig latin or make one up. 7pm Call the president of the university to complain about the unfairness of exam policy. Say that you simply don't take tests well. 8pm Make a cereal necklace--a string of cheerios and Froot Loops to wear around your neck. 9pm Start a parade--grab all your friends and neighbors and go strolling down the halls playing imaginary instruments as loudly as possible. 10pm Order out for pizza. Try to get them to put really strange items on your pizza. Suggestions: corn on the cob, crab, peanut butter, pickles, doggie biscuits. 11pm Start a game of co-ed naked twister. 12mid Dress up as witches or warlocks, light candles and incense, and use a Ouija board or hold a seance. 1am Open up the room as a massage parlor. 2am Convert your massage parlor into a body-painting studio. 3am Make a tent out of sheets and tell ghost stories. 4am Make everyone strip dow to undies. Drag them outside to howl at the moon. 5am Make a 7-11 (minimart) run. Act like you are foreign exchange students that speak a different language. Take as many people as possible. Start a loud and violent argument in the foreign language. 6am Blow bubbles-try to make a bubble chain that stretches across the room. 7am Juggle-use as many breakable articles as possible. 8am Take a group shower. 9am Go to breakfast at the cafeteria in bathrobes and hair towels. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Bat Joke Two vampire bats sitting in cave, the first bat says "I'm dying for some blood, I'm going out to get some" so of he flys out of the cave, about 15 minutes later he comes back with loads of blood dripping from his mouth. The other bat starts drooling and asks "Where'd you get the blood from", the 1st bat says "come with me and I'll show you", so off they fly out of the cave after a few minutes there flying over a large cemetry when the first bat says "See that bloody great oak tree over there? I didn't" :-) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: You Know You're Going to Have a Bad Day You know it's going to be a bad day when . . . . . . your twin sister forgets your birthday. . . . you wake up face down on the pavement. . . . you put your bra on backwards and it fits better. . . . you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. . . . your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. . . . you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there aren't any. . . . you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city. . . . the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife. . . . you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize that you don't have a water bed. . . . your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..." . . . you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!" . . . you wake up at work naked in front of your co-workers . . . you have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up ------------------------------------------------------------------------------