IJMC My Name is Bob

                          IJMC - My Name is Bob

Hi Bob! Ok, I had to. And in case you are already going there, no, the new
White House intern's name is not "Bob". Likewise, I have once again proven
why you all should prefer the humor in the posts below...instead of the
humor I insert into the blurbs such as this. Either way, you are getting
what you get...Junk or no junk. :)                                   -dave

My name is Bob, and I am Canadian.
I am a minority in Vancouver, Banff, and every casino in this country.

I was born in 1972, yet I am responsible for some Native's great great
grandfather who screwed himself out of his land in the 1800's.

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.I am allowed to skydive and smoke,
but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.

All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes.

I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant.
These same people cannot name this country's new Territory.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft Dinner and don't have a pot
to piss in, I sleep well knowing that I've helped purchase a nice six figure
home in Vancouver for some unskilled Chinese refugee.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still
provides my nation's Prime Ministers.

95% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.
I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none
of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.

I believe that paying a 200% tax on alcohol is fair.
I believe that same tax on gasoline is also fair.
Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave
me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

I DO know Jeff from Toronto.
I often badmouth the United States, and then vacation there three times a

I'm led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who makes $30
an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but paying $10 an hour
to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below on an oil rig is fair.

I believe that paying $30 million for 3 stripes (The Voice of Fire) by the
National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even though 99% of this country
didn't want it, or will ever see it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I
actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the

I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry, because I
control the rain.

My National Anthem has versions in both official languages, and I don't know
either of them.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest military
buffer for the United States, and the number one destination for fleeing
boat people.

I am not an angry white male.  I am an angry broke taxpayer.
My name is Bob, and I am Canadian.

IJMC October 2000 Archives