IJMC - The Future History of the Telephony Industry

This is cute. An article from four years ago foretelling what this past 
year might have been like. Should I remind everyone that the MCI-Worldcom 
merger began in time for this? Or that the AOL-Time Warner merger is not 
that different...ahh well, time for a call for tech support...      -dave







 Allen's Telephone & Tool belt

 From USA TODAY, DATE: 04/19/96
 By Kevin Maney

 Sometime in 1999:

 "Hello.  This is Bell Atlantic-Nynex-MCI-TCI-America Online customer
 service.  May I help you?"

 "Yes, I'd like to report a problem with my telephone."

 "Our records show you don't have local phone service through us."

 "How'd you know who I am?  I didn't give you my name."

 "We have ways."

 "Well, I'm pretty sure you have my phone service."

 "Our records show you have long-distance, cellular, satellite
 TV, Internet access and your MasterCard through us.  Your phone
 service must be through one of the other three big communications
 companies.  Have you looked at your bill?"

 "My bill is 134 pages long."

 "Oh, you're one of our light users.  But we'd be happy to become
 your local phone provider.  If you sign up, you get one-third off
 long-distance calls made on your cellular phone to friends and
 family members who have an Internet home page."

 "It's tempting, but I just want my phone fixed."

 "Fine, sir.  Just a reminder: Next time you need to contact us,
 try our Internet site.  And when you get there, you can sign up
 for a free showing, through your satellite TV system, of Hamlet
 starring Bell Atlantic-Nynex-MCI-TCI-America Online CEO Ray Smith."

 "Thanks.  Goodbye."

 Click.  Dial.  Ring.

 "Good morning!  This is SBC-Pacific Telesis-Sprint-GTE-Little
 Caesars."

 "Little Caesars?  You do pizza?"

 "You buy it over phone lines.  It's content.  Would you like one?
 You get a medium with two toppings when you order HBO on cable."

 "Uh, no.  I called because my phone line isn't working right."

 "I see.  Do you have your phone over your cable line or do you
 have your phone over a phone line."

 "A phone line, I think."

 "OK, then that's not SBC-Pacific Telesis-Sprint-GTE-Little Caesars.
 My file shows that you get cable TV and video games on demand
 from us, but in your area, we only offer phone service over cable
 lines.  If you use a phone line, it must be one of the other
 companies."

 "Thanks.  I'll call them."

 "And sir?  We're testing some new products in your area.  We're
 offering electric service and natural gas service for 10% less
 than the public utilities.  One-stop shopping.  We want to provide
 you with everything that comes into your house and connects to
 a device or appliance."

 "No, thanks.  Bye."

 Click.  Dial.  Ring.

 "Hello. Endorphin Enterprises."

 "I'm sorry.  I must have dialed the wrong number."

 "You're probably in the right place.  We just changed our name.
 We used to be US West-UUNet-Universal Pictures-Ameritech, but
 that got pretty cumbersome.  I guess they wanted to call it UUUUSA,
 but then decided to start fresh.  So we're Endorphin Enterprises."

 "Clever."

 "Personally, I thought we should call ourselves Youse Guys. Get it?"

 "Yeah, that's good.  Um, I was calling because my phone line doesn't
 seem to work right."

 "Ohhhhh.  What services do you have with us?"

 "I'm not sure."

 "We offer everything: local, long-distance, cellular, cable TV,
 satellite TV, Internet access, music on demand and so on.  But
 so does everybody else these days."

 "Yes, well, it's gotten a little confusing. I've already called
 those two other companies with long names."

 "Oh, right.  OK, see, it looks like you don't have anything at
 all with us.  Now, we could make your life easier by giving you
 all the services so you'd know who to call.  Except in your
 area, we only offer movies on demand over the Internet, so that
 could be a problem."


 "No, really, I just want to get my phone fixed."

 "My guess is you must have your local phone service through AT&T.
 That's the only other company left in the business."

 "OK, I'll try AT&T."

 Click.  Dial.  Ring.

 "Hello.  AT&T.  Bob Allen speaking."

 "Bob Allen?  The chairman?  I'm sorry.  I wanted customer service."

 "No problem. Hold on a moment."

 Pause.  Rustling sounds. "Hello.  Customer service.  Bob Allen
 speaking."

 "Mr. Allen, I really just wanted customer service."

 "This is it.  We spun off everything but my office.  It goes totally
 against the megamerger trend.  Our shareholders love it.  I'm getting
 paid $55 billion this year."

 "Well, sir, my phone line doesn't work right, and I think I need
 someone to come fix it."

 "Be right there, as soon as I can find my tool belt."