IJMC - Because You are a Woman

And because I am a man, cold, uncaring, and generally heartless...I am 
resending this. Just to prove I have no feelings for anything animate. 
Just to show how childish I am. Just to prove that I cannot let a woman 
have the final say. And for lots of other reasons as well. Because you 
are a woman, you picked on guys as a complete, stereotypical sex. So, in 
the name of return harrassment...here ya go.                       -dave





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I had your recent "Why I am a man" forwarded to me by one of those 
upset young ladies who has been in a bad relationship. 

So I rewrote it!  You may use it as you wish 

Dave



Because you're a woman


Because you're a woman, when I lock the keys in the car
you roll your eyes as I fiddle with a wire clothes hanger...
yet still snuggle up with me after I have called road servie
and let go of my ego.

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Because you're a woman, when the car isn't running
very well, you'll laugh at me as I stare at the engine
as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another man
shows up, one of us will say "I used to be able to
fix these things, but now with all these computers
and everything, I wouldn't know where to start"
You shake your head at us as we drink beer.

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Because you're a woman, when I catch cold I need
you to bring me soup and take care of me while I
lie in bed and moan.  You never get as sick as I do,
and our kids will treasure your special touch too!

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Because you're a woman, you know I can be relied upon to
purchase basic groceries at the store, like beer or 
Cigarettes.  I cannot be espected to find exotic items 
like Cumin or Tofu.  for all I know these are the same
thing.  And never, under any circumstances do you expect
me to comprehend , muchless buy anything that claims to be
Mini, offering maxiumum this, light that and super whatever 
all at once!

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Because you are woman, when one of our appliances
stops working you let me take it apart, despite
evidence this will cost us twice as much once the 
repair person gets here to put it back together.

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Because you are a woman, you alow me to hold the
TV remote control in one hand while I watch Television.
If the thing is misplaced I may miss a whole show 
looking for it.  (though I ought to be able to 
survive by holding more important things, like you)

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Because you're the woman, you let me think we're
not all that lost, nor that we need to stop and ask
someone.  Why would I listen to a complete
stranger -- if we got where we were going
the view wouldn't be as lovely

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Because you're the woman you're doing the thinking
and my mind is on sex, racing, or football.  Although
it's always cute to see what I make up when you ask

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Because you're the woman, you are far more 
interested in visitng your mother or wanting her to visit, 
or talk to her when she's on the phone.
I have no way of knowing if what you got her
for mothers day is okay, so I don't need to see it.
And you keep my mom's image of her 'little boy' 
where it oughta be as well.

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Because you're the woman you get to cry at the
end of the movie, while I try to figure out
how to change the world between the theatre and
the car, even though that's not what you need 
when you try to explain your feelings.

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Because you're the woman, you know what to
wear during which month for which season, 
even if you need to change 5 times to get it right.
It really isn't the shoes or hair that matter either.
I'm glad I get to be the guy with you wherever we go

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Because you're the woman, and this is, after all,
the year 2000.  You expect me to share equally
in the homework.  As long as you do the gardening,
cleaning, and dishes, you know I'll do the rest!

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Because you're the woman, you make me strong
and feel like more man than I imagined capable.
Even when I'm clueless in how to show it.

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You suck!!!