IJMC With Apologies to Mary Schmich

                 IJMC - With Apologies to Mary Schmich

I think it's been two and a half years since I stayed out all night down 
at the local bar scene. The scary thing? I pretty much enjoyed it this 
time. Will I do it again? Maybe. Me. Bar hopping. Yipes. Not something I 
think I need to get used to, but maybe a little familiar with it. Ahh 
well, life goes on and I go to bars. Growing older I guess...      -dave






Ladies and gentlemen of the radio industry of 1999: Legal ID.

If I could offer you only one tip for your airshift,
The Legal ID would be it.
The hourly use of the legal ID is mandated by the Federal Communications
Commission, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more
reliable than this morning's issue of Inside Radio.
I will dispense this advice, after this stopset.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your airshift.
Never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your
airshift until you're doing overnights in Amarillo.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll listen to old airchecks of yourself and
recall in a way you can't grasp now how many remotes lay before you,
and how many single women called you on the request line.

Your management is not as incompetent as you imagine.

Don't worry about being fired.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to serve a
major market with a kilowatt daytimer in a cow pasture.
The real end to your airshift is something that never crosses your mind,
like the PD announcing a format change at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Say one thing on the air every day that scares your GM.

Sing (your jingles)

Don't be reckless with other jocks' headphones.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Cue.

Don't waste your time on Trends.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The book is long, and in the end corporate will change your format
anyway.

Remember Marconis you receive, forget the license challenges.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old custom jingles, throw away your old Arbitrons.

Backtime.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what market you want to work in. The
most interesting jocks I know didn't know at 22 what station they wanted
to waste their lives at. 
Some of the most interesting 40 year old jocks I know
still can't hold a job.

Get plenty of Jolt.

Be kind to your ears, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll have a good book, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll get the morning shift, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll pull a share of 40, maybe your station will be bought
by Capstar on its 75th anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate
yourself either. Your ratings are half chance, so are everybody
else's.

Enjoy your microphone, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of
it, or what other jocks think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll
ever own.

Hit the post,
even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own car.

Read the EAS tests -- even if you don't follow them.
Do not listen to voicetracked stations -- they will only make you bored.

Get to know your GM - you never know when he'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your engineers -- they're your best link to the past,
and the people most likely to get you back on the air at 3AM in the
future.

Understand that PDs come and go,
but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to put together a killer tape of your best bits, because
the older you get, the more you need the PDs who knew you when your
stuff was still fresh.

Work at a CHR station once, but leave before it makes you talk too fast.
Work at a soft AC once, but leave before it makes you talk too slow.

Aircheck.

Accept certain inalienable truths: station prices will rise, sales
managers will philander, you too will get older -- and when
you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, station prices
were reasonable, sales managers were honest, and stations respected the
listener.

Respect your listeners.

Don't expect anyone else to run your board.
Maybe you'll have automation,
maybe you'll have a 7 minute song,
but you never know when either might run out.

Don't mess too much with your voice,
or by the time you're 40, you'll sound like Wolfman Jack.

Be careful which consultant's advice you buy, but be patient with
the consultant who supplies it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a form of pulling a 70s
hit off the shelf, setting it to a dance beat, getting Puffy Combs to
produce it, and putting it back into A rotation until it burns out again.

But trust me on the legal IDs.
==============================
(if you forward, please leave this credit atttached--they deserve it!)
Written by Clarke Ingram at WPXY and Scott Fybush,
a reporter a Time-Warner's cable news operation, in Rochester.


IJMC June 1999 Archives