IJMC - The Moron Awards
Not quite as reputable or even close to the Darwin Awards, here's a
collection of stories that someone thinks would make an appropriate,
Mega Moron Awards. You be the judge. -dave
MEGA MORON AWARDS
Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole
the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording.
(That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he
didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and
gives you money, was a crime committed?]
Florida: [Uh, pardon our English] A thief burst into the bank one day
wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the
thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!" For a moment,
everyon was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely
lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because
he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired
before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In
memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved
"Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a fxxk-up!"
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it
over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor
store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
Seattle : When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motorhome
parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a
motorhome near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the
motorhome's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined
to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Ann Arbor : The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5:00am, flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled
the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home.
With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still
attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still
attached to the bumper.
Newark : A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that
there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the
phone, and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the
newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the
thief was arrested.
|