IJMC Hmm, Almost Timely

                     IJMC - Hmm, Almost Timely

I think I meant to send this one out a while ago...oh well, look it up in 
the archives if ya want. http://www.ijmc.com/ and go from there. As I 
said yesterday, the weight marker is back tonight. I'm just going to 
claim it's all muscle mass...that's my story and I'm sticking to it. It 
probably is...but it brings truth to the fact that it will get better 
before it gets worse.                                               -dave


Subject: horror movie survival guide

I loved the horror movie survival guide, but I missed a few things which i
have listed below.

have a nice day

*If you are a guy, stay away from girls that lost their mother at a young
age, but since you won't, arm yourself because if you love her you'll end
up rescuing her from the local serial killer/offspring of the local serial
killer/vampire/monster/demon/corpse/mutant/alien etc. If you don't love
her, is the captain of the shool's football team, never read books and just
go out with her to sleep with a virgin (which she naturally is) you'll die,
in an intresting fashion, over a period of time, and the shy, cute bookworm
that you bullied around will save your girlfriend, and they'll be a couple

*Also stay away from girls with heart disorders and girls that has had
brainsurgery. If you meet _anyone_ that has had a transplant of some sort,

*If you were a female in a movie, you kept a journal between the
nightmares, trips to the library, watching people around you being masacred
and slaying of monsters. This will be found by another girl in the sequel.

*Do not touch strange goo lying on the ground

*Blond, good-looking, popular girls in an american high-school should
practise their heavy-breathing. They will do a LOT of panting and heaving
of chest.

*If you have been on the police force less than three weeks, you're toast.

*Stay away from the american middle-west, the bible belt, maine, TEXAS, or
any other part of the states

*If you are a girl, don't have an argument with your boyfriend. He will
sleep with the school slut (who hates you for no particular reason) she
will die, and you'll be attacked by a monster/serial killer, etc

IJMC June 1998 Archives