IJMC MIT, There He Was

                      IJMC - MIT, There He Was

I probably don't want to know how many times MIT has had a standing 
president give the commencement address. But hey, at least the students 
(or perhaps just one or two of them) remember how to have a good time, 
President or not...                                               -dave

What follows is the content of an MIT ``hack'' (a high-tech prank or
practical joke) regarding President Clinton's visit to The Massachvsetts
Institvte of Technology (MIT) in Cambridge, Massachusetts on June 5 to
deliver a Commencement address.  All of these email messages were widely
distributed to faculty, staff, and students at MIT.  The first few messages
are authentic, bona-fide notices concerning various mechanics of his visit.
At some point ``someone'' introduced some spurious messages with a bit more
unusual content.

We'll leave it to you to decide at what point the real ones ended and the
bogus ones began.

Enjoy!          ******    ** ** ** **    ** ******

(These sorts of pranks are a proud tradition at M.I.T.  For background and
 general amusement, we encourage you to browse The MIT Gallery of Hacks at:


 Also, for your convenience, we have redirected replies to this message to
 the MIT News Office (617-253-2700).  Since they will receive this email
 press release packet shortly before you do, it might be prudent to give
 them some time to process it and verify its contents before contacting
 them.  Any time after, say, 10 AM Eastern Standard Time should suffice as
 their office does not open before 9AM on weekdays.)

Enclosures follow:
==============================[ 1 of 8 ]==============================

| Date: Wed, 27 May 98 11:17:46 EDT
| From: John McDonald <jmcd@MIT.EDU>
| Subject: Commencement Parking

Please pass this information to all in your department:

As you are all aware from President Vest's recent memo to the community,
security arrangements for the visit of President Clinton on June 5, 1998
will influence a variety of areas including parking.  This year's parking
strategy is different from past years in terms of which facilities will be
used for guests and employees.  Parking arrangements are as follows:

Students and Guests - Parking will be available in the East Garage and open
lot, as well as the CRA lot.  Parking for disabled guests will be on Ames

Employees - Employees assigned to the East Garage, West Garage or CRA lot
are directed to park in the West Garage.  As the Main Lot will be closed,
people with Main Lot stickers may park in either Kresge or the East Garage
and lot.  No employees will be allowed to park in the CRA lot, and only
those with a Main lot sticker may park in the East Garage and lot.

All of the other employee parking facilities will operate as usual, and the
Paid Lot at 139 Mass. Ave. will be closed for the day.  Regardless of which
parking facility you may be assigned to, it would be wise to take an
alternate method of transportation to work on this day.  We anticipate very
heavy traffic, and the possible street closings would create further
congestion.  Thank you for your anticipated cooperation.

John McDonald
Director of Parking & Transportation
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
77 Massachusetts Avenue, E32-105
Cambridge, MA  02139

(617) 253-9897  Phone
(617) 258-6357  FAX

==============================[ 2 of 8 ]==============================

| Date: Mon, 1 Jun 1998 17:16:48 -0400
| From: pguyer@MIT.EDU (Penny Guyer)
| Subject: June 5

Due to security requirements, most of the express carriers (DHL, FedEx,
Airborne, UPS Overnight) will be unable to deliver their packages on
Commencement Day, Friday, June 5.  UPS will deliver its regular ground
packages to MIT Mail Services Receiving Dock in Buildings 20 and E19.
However, again because of the closure of buildings in the main campus, most
of those packages will be held until Monday for delivery to the individual

If you have an urgent package that you need delivered Friday:

1. If it is being shipped via DHL, FedEx, or Airborne, contact the carrier
directly to make arrangements for pickup from them or delivery.

2. If is being shipped via UPS Ground services, contact MIT Mail Serivces
at 3-6000 and we will arrange for delivery Friday afternoon.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Penny Guyer
Manager, MIT Mail Services

==============================[ 3 of 8 ]==============================

| Date: Tue, 02 Jun 1998 14:43:40 -0400
| From: "Paul J. Arsenault" <pjarsen@MIT.EDU>
| Subject: Closing of Cashier's Office on June 5, 1998


    As a result of the participation of President Clinton at this years
Commencement exercises and the high level of security arrangements being
made, the Cashier's Office will be closed for the entire day on June 5,
1998.  If you need to make an emergency deposit, you may bring your deposit
to Paul Arsenault in Building E19, Room 565.  All other deposits will be
handled on Monday morning as usuual at the Cashier's Office.

   If you have any questions, please call Cheryl Botelho on 3-5426 or Paul
Arsenault on 3-7903.

Paul J. Arsenault
Assistant to the Controller
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
77 Massachusetts Avenue, Bldg. E19 - 565
Cambridge, MA  02139
(617) 253-7903
FAX (617)258-8614

==============================[ 4 of 8 ]==============================

| Date: Tue, 2 Jun 1998 16:42:30 -0400
| From: Michael Baenen <baenen@MIT.EDU>
| Subject: June 5 Security: Message from Chief Glavin


 To: Department Heads, Lab and Center Directors, and Administrative Officers
 From: Chief Anne Glavin

 On Friday, 5 June at the request of the Secret Service, there is to be
 no handling of hazardous materials on Institute property in and around
 Buildings 9, 12, 12a, 17, 24, 31, 33, 34, 35, 37, 38, 39, 41, 41a, and
 42 during the time span the President of the United States is on campus,
 which is estimated from 9:00 am - 1:00 pm.  Any incidents resulting from
 violations of this directive may result in federal investigation and

 Your cooperation is appreciated.

==============================[ 5 of 8 ]==============================

| Date: 4 Jun 1998 04:00:51 -0400
| From: drampian@MIT.EDU (Dan Rampian)
| Subject: June 5 Procedures (Further)


 To: Department Heads, Lab and Center Directors, and Administrative Officers
 From: Chief Anne Glavin

 On Friday, 5 June, during the hours of the President's visit (9:00 AM to
 approximately 1:00 PM), no subpoenas for President Clinton or members of
 his Secret Service entourage are to be accepted by any member of the
 faculty or staff.  The MIT Administration has decided to extend this
 courtesy to the President as a way of making his visit here more pleasant.

 Anyone who approaches a faculty or staff member with a subpoena should be
 directed to the Institute Legal Affairs Office, Room 4-104.

 Your cooperation is appreciated.

==============================[ 6 of 8 ]==============================

| Date: 4 Jun 1998 04:29:56 -0400
| From: jflorey@MIT.EDU (Jack Florey)
| Subject: June 5th Preparation

In preparation for the visit of President Clinton, donations to the
Democratic National Committee are being accepted at the MIT Asia Pacific
Corporate Relations Office, Room E38-400.  We encourage all of you, as well
as members of your staff, to make his visit here a success.  We understand
>from his aides that this is especially important in an era of shrinking
government grant dollars.  Please stop in and leave a check or preferably

In these difficult times it is very important to show our support.  If
you've already made a donation to the Committee, no further action is
required.  Alternatively, you might consider a donation to President
Clinton's Legal Defense Fund.  These donations are being accepted by the
Office of Government Relations, Room 5-208 and by the MIT Washington
Office, 820 First St, NE, Suite 410, Washington DC 20002 (202-789-1828).

Jack Florey
Director of Development

==============================[ 7 of 8 ]==============================

| Date: 4 Jun 1998 04:53:29 -0400
| From: tha@MIT.EDU (Thomas H. Adams)
| Subject: Attire for June 5 Commencement - Message for All Students

Please post in your respective DLC's as appropriate.

There has been some recent controversy surrounding appropriate attire for
Commencement.  Normally, the Office of the Dean for Student Affairs would
not need to take a position on this issue.  However, it seems that a
substantial number of female students are considering a suggestive and
offensive form of dress.

It therefore is necessary for the Office of the Dean for Student Affairs to
declare that the wearing of black berets and kneepads by alumnae-to-be at
graduation is hereby forbidden.

This dress code will be strictly enforced for all participants in the
commencement procession.  No exceptions or exemptions will be made.

Thomas H. Adams, Special Ass't to the Dean for Student Affairs
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Office of the Dean of Students and Undergraduate Education
77 Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA  02139-4307

==============================[ 8 of 8 ]==============================

| Date: 4 Jun 1998 05:16:53 -0400
| From: marmeau@MIT.EDU (Themistocles Marmeau)
| Subject: June 5 Policy

In addition to the recent ODSA ruling on dress, the President's Visit
Coordinator has requested that, to keep with the style recently adopted
at White House functions, women seated in the first three rows should not
wear undergarments.

While unusual, we expect that this will be cooler for those involved.  It
will also keep the President attentive during his speech.

The MIT Office of Special Events, along with highly-experienced members of
the Secret Service, will take steps to guarantee that no untoward
photographs are taken of those observing this dress code.

T. Marmeau
Special Events Coordinator

=============================[ End Encl. ]============================

IJMC June 1998 Archives