IJMC - Not Going To Make It To Work?

Anyone want to add to this? A few more and I might not ever have to 
return to work...                                             -dave



       From the Sunday, April 14, 1994 edition of the Washington Post -- a
       contest was held in which readers were asked to come up with excuses
       to miss a day of work.

       * If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.  The
         voices told me to clean all the guns today.

       * When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my
         Prozac.  I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

       * I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half
         back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of
         space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the
         explosion).  I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the
         polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house
         while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up
         Times.  Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.

       * My stigmata's acting up.

       * I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous
         boss, who fired me for not showing up for work.  OK?

       * I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we
         have that deadline to meet...

       * I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.

       * Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder
         and, hey, how about them Skins, huh?  So, I won't be able to, yes,
         could I help you?  No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank
         you for calling.

       * Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

       * I just found out that I was switched at birth.  Legally, I shouldn't
         come to work knowing my employee records may now contain
         false information.

       * The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session.  He even gave me
         this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

       * The dog ate my car keys.  We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

       * I prefer to remain an enigma.

       * My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must
         track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give
         her eternal peace.  One day should do it.

       * I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my
         house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for
         helicopter transportation.

       * I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.

       * I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.

       * I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter
         tax.  I insist on paying my fair share.