IJMC Riot on Seasame Street, Film at Eleven!

		IJMC - Riot on Seasame Street, Film at Eleven!

Ok, so maybe the queue's a bit long when this took from '93 to be posted...
...it happens. I wanna say a quick "Hi!" to all our new members, the 
roster's been growing this past week...so welcome newcomers, enjoy the show!

    This humor is brought to you today by the letter Z.


    AP Online
    AP 10/01 2:55 EDT V055
    Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
    NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Seseme Street, has
    apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppets are known to be dead;
    including Prarie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, and Bert -- long time friend,
    room- mate, and occasional lover of Ernie. The bird is now reportedly
    holding Maria hostage in a five floor tenement near Hooper's Store. New
    York City Police SWAT teams have surrounded the building.


    AP Online
    AP 10/01 4:26 EDT V743
    Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
    NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, Seseme Street muppet, is reported dead at this
    hour after an hour-and-a-half hostage standoff with New York City Police.
    Kermit-The-Frog, Seseme Street Muppet on the scene, reports that as police
    stormed the five story tenament building where the bird was holding Maria
    hostage, Big Bird flew out an upper story window at them in a 
    Kamikaze-like attack. Police SWAT units brought down the bird in a 
    hail of automatic  weapons fire. Dead are: Prairie Dawn, Oscar the 
    Grouch, Bert, and Big Bird. There is no information available 
    concerning Maria.


    AP Online
    AP 10/01 8:47 EDT V246
    Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
    NEW YORK (AP) -- The Professor and his assistant, Beaker, muppet chemists,
    have reportedly found angel dust in Big Bird's feed. Big Bird was 
    killed by Police early this morning after the bird went on a killing 
    spree on Seseme Street. Maria, taken hostage during the ordeal, has 
    survived unharmed. Three muppets were killed by the bird: Prarie 
    Dawn (a friendly, pig-tailed  muppet girl-child), Oscar the Grouch (a 
    green garbage-can dwelling grumpy muppet) and Bert (the famous gay 
    paper clip collector and pigeon friend). Authorities in the area 
    report that the bad seed was purchased at the local Hooper's.


    AP Online
    AP 10/01 11:15 EDT V543
    Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
    NEW YORK (AP) -- Police are asking all motorists and humans to stay away
    from Seseme Street today as tensions are running high among the muppets.
    Many reportedly are outraged at the tainted food supply and at how the
    police handled the hostage situation. According to bystanders on the scene
    at the time, Mr. Snuffalupagus pleaded with police to be allowed to talk
    Big Bird down. Instead, police stormed the building with deadly results.
    Ernie is said to be despondent at the loss of his good buddy Bert.


    AP Online
    AP 10/01 17:25 EDT V927
    Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
    NEW YORK (AP) -- Violence erupted again on Seseme Street at five o'clock
    this afternoon. As thousands of humans driving home took a sightseeing
    tour of the scene of Big Bird's deadly rampage, muppets became enraged.
    Hundreds of muppets, large and small, stalked the streets and 
    surrounded humans i their cars. In at least one case, ten muppets 
    pulled a motorist from his car and beat him with large, styrofome 
    letters. Police again arrived on the scene in force. At this hour, quiet 
    is restored -- but tensions are very high.


    AP Online
    AP 10/02 0:47 EDT V211
    Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
    NEW YORK (AP) -- Police and fire units have been called to Seseme Street.
    Reporters on the scene describe a nightmarish atmosphere. Furry muppets
    ranging in size from only inches to seven feet in height are looting
    Hooper's Store and firebombing the entire neighborhood. Orange and blue
    firelight is rising over many buildings. Cardboard backdrops, props, and
    storehouses full of numbers and letters are burning to the ground. Muppets
    are taunting firemen and police from windows high above the street with
    counting and alphabet songs.


    AP Online
    AP 10/02 9:24 EDT V482
    Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
    NEW YORK (AP) -- Morning light has brought an eerie calm to Seseme Street
    after a night of rioting. Smoke rises from most buildings. On the street,
    lifeless, crumpled fur lies in mute testiment of the night of wild
    outrage. Unknown numbers of muppets have died or been shot to death 
    by Police in full riot gear. Here and there, a muppet--still animated 
    with life--can be seen staring at the wreckage, or sweeping vacantly 
    at the rubble. The Count was reported running down the street crying 
    and yelling, :"Ten, Ten Lifeless Mupput Bodies!" No humans were 
    killed in the rioting, although several people reported rug-burns.


    AP Online
    AP 10/03 15:35 EDT V335
    Copyright 1993. All Rights Reserved.
    NEW YORK (AP) -- Ernie, gay friend and roommate of the murdered muppet
    Bert, broke his two day silence today with a eulogy address at a mass
    muppet funeral. The following is the complete transcript of his address:

        "I come here today to honor a man I loved. A man who was loved by
        millions thoughout the world. Bert was a giant among muppets. His 
        paper-clip collection was viewed with awe by many of the world's 
        leaders. Just one year ago, as President Clinton campaigned on 
        Sesame Street for the muppet vote, it was Bert who everone turned 
        to for advice. It was Bert who told us all, "anyone who can hang 
        as many paperclips together as Bill Clinton, can certainly run 
        the country." 

    I also come here today to honor Big Bird. Bird was such a loving creature.
    His large size and bright color alarmed many who first met him, but it was
    his innocent and curious nature which taught us all to love him. Bird
    wouldn't have wanted us to remember him, or to memorialize him, with
    violence. All he ever wanted was for all creatures to "just get along"
    with each other. Big Bird has come to a bad end, friends, but it 
    wasn't his fault. It was just some bad seed.

Yet Another E-Mail Sent By The International Junk Mail Clearinghouse (IJMC).
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IJMC May 1995 Archives