IJMC I'm Glad I'm A Woman

		   IJMC - I'm Glad I'm A Woman

And I'm glad I haven't met the woman who wrote this...why is it I find
so many male-bashing posts in my queue and so few female-bashing posts? 
Nevermind, don't answer that. After the week I've just finished (yes, 
finished at 12:30am on Monday) I don't want to know. To all those I owe 
email to, I'll get to it soon, I promise! And lastly, to our (hopefully) 
morning listening audience in Washington D.C., the IJMC says "Hi!" Enjoy 
the post, I'm off to find my beernuts in Hell!			   -dave

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
I don't live off of Budweiser, beernuts, and Spam
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
And I know how to put the damned toiled seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
And I don't go around "readjusting" my crotch
Or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
I'm a woman, you see, I'm just not that kind!

I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I can sing:
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
When I lean over, you don't see 3 inches of my crack
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
I'll never buy a toupe to cover my dome
Or have a few hairs pulled over the side
I'm a woman you see, I've got far too much pride!

And I honestly think its a priviledge for me
To have these two boobs, and to squat when I pee
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
And stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
Then screw you, roll over, and fall sound asleep!

Yes I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
You can forget all about that penis envy
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
Don't join the hair club for men, or think with my dick
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful its true
I'm so glad I'm a woman, and not a man like you!

IJMC July 1995 Archives